I didn't date this entry when I wrote it on a sheet of notebook paper but I distinctly remember writing it in the parking lot of Big Lots last summer, then tucking it into my purse so I'd never forget that day.
I shop to escape. Escape my pain, escape the clutter in my home.
It adds to the clutter in my home.
Shopping is an addiction. It is literally consuming me, the consumer.
My boyfriend (ex-at the time) is a hideous person. He's secretly been a member of a swingers' club while we were together. As much as I wanted to, I can no longer believe he never met anyone online. His word means nothing. His "love" means nothing. I wish I could take back all that I gave to him. Any joy I brought to his life because he doesn't deserve it. He was never MINE. He showed me no respect while we were together and he'll never earn my respect again.
At first I was too sad to be angry. I was grieving not the loss of a shitty boyfriend but my best friend. Now, I'm angry.
I can no longer ignore what he did to me. No more. I can't push it aside to keep a friendship. I can't look at him. That's it.
