How do you keep yourself from agonizing over the "what if's" over wanting to change so many things in your life? From wondering where all the time has gone and what the hell have I accomplished in the last 7 years? At 21 I was living with a boyfriend and never got to go out and party. At 24 we split and I still didn't do that. Now, I'm to old for it. I don't want to do those things anymore but I feel like I missed out on those years of my life. I miss my friends.
I'm applying for "real" jobs but I'm not following up like I know I should. I have to call to have any shot at an interview. Sure, I hate living below the poverty line but I KNOW it. Why can't I grow up and take a chance on being an adult even if it means working more?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Denial
Thursday was a degrading day. First, an appointment at the Cabinet for Health and Family Services to follow up on my application for food stamps. Sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by the truly poverty stricken, I wondered if I deserved the aid. This doubt has kept me from applying for months. However, just because my grandmother bought me a decent, used car and I still have some nice clothes doesn't mean that currently the bills totally outweigh my income.
Last December, after 8 years, I received my bachelor's degree. Four months of job searching leaves me with my minimum wage position. Though I've used credit cards as a crutch, it's time to face the fact that I AM poor. I do deserve benefits and it WILL be temporary. So, I've applied. The state can determine it from here.
Immediately after my meeting with the social worker I had a dentist appointment to extract 2 teeth. Ok, now I really feel poor. Though, the lortab I got for much needed pain relief makes me not care so much.
Shit, now I can understand how some people become horribly addicted to these things.
I imagine whoever said that poor people are happier than rich was never in agonizing pain with no money to pay for a dentist! It seems much of my depression and anxiety stems from money problems... or should I say having no money, problems.
Last December, after 8 years, I received my bachelor's degree. Four months of job searching leaves me with my minimum wage position. Though I've used credit cards as a crutch, it's time to face the fact that I AM poor. I do deserve benefits and it WILL be temporary. So, I've applied. The state can determine it from here.
Immediately after my meeting with the social worker I had a dentist appointment to extract 2 teeth. Ok, now I really feel poor. Though, the lortab I got for much needed pain relief makes me not care so much.
Shit, now I can understand how some people become horribly addicted to these things.
I imagine whoever said that poor people are happier than rich was never in agonizing pain with no money to pay for a dentist! It seems much of my depression and anxiety stems from money problems... or should I say having no money, problems.
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