How do you make friends when you hate going out, when you don't want to talk to anyone? When you are so depressed you can't even drink because then you can't get away. I want to lay in bed...under the bed...in the closet.
I need someone to rely on. Someone other than my boyfriend. It seems like every week I break down. Anxiety, hormones, depression. He can't be the only one I call on, even if he'd drop everything to come. When is it co-dependence?
I think about suicide and death. Just think. Would I weed the garden first? Clean the house? Such trivial things bring me down. What if someone I love died?
My father lives alone and sometimes I fear that upon visiting him I'll be greeted with his corpse. When I go up there for Father's day, will he be waiting for me, dead in his chair? Would his friends miss him and check on him right away or would I walk into the house with the putrid smell of death after he'd been gone for over a week?
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