Anxiety overload

Starting a week ago I dove into a deep deep anxiety filled funk. I suspected my bf of cheating online or in person, of inappropriate friendships and every negative image that came to my mind. For three days it took everything in me to not blast him with my accusations. In part- they started because of our history but in reality I know I am over-reacting because of my brain chemistry! These things usually don't bother me and if I can hold out a few days it will all pass.
However, here is what I wrote during a very bad day.

It's you. I'm afraid to let my guard down. To open up my heart completely. I love you, but something inside me won't let me be happy about it, won't let me dive in. What you've done damaged me. I'm afraid I'll never get that feeling back. There's no way for me to know what's really going on with you. You're less open than me... maybe I just volunteer too much. You don't talk about work or hanging out with those friends. I know that's why you don't want me to work there. You don't want me to be a part of that crowd, to see what goes on after shift is over and everyone spends the rest of the early morning drinking.
If you are keeping quiet about female friends because you are afraid you are already in deep water- that's only doing more harm than good. You know I'm not like her. I don't care you have female friends- it's secrets I don't like! The people you never mention. It looks like you are hiding something. I'm not any of your exes- I don't have hangups about friends or video games for godsake but just because it doesn't upset me doesn't mean I'm an idiot. I know if you are going too far. I highly suspect you never gave up internet chatting either but how can I find that out? A part of me is just ignoring it... the other part is this voice that only rears it's head when I'm already stressed or anxious. Maybe I should talk to you about it but then where would we be? You'd either lie about it and continue doing it or then I'd know for sure and I don't know how to go from there. How many shots do you deserve?

Following my three days of zombie like activity, where I stared blankly into space and forgot to eat I seemed to become manic. Like a rebound effect from the depression. Suddenly I can run just fine with 3 hours of sleep and a hangover. This rebound lasted the rest of the week and now I feel back to normal- and had the shitty hangover to prove it. If it sounds like I've started drinking more- you'd be right. :/